I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i already hear my dad disowning me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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