Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
