Well apparently he's into motor boating.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
