I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
