I can tuck mytits in my pants
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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