im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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