did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize