Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Randomize
