I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
