I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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