I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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