i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
