Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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