Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
