I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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