Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
