i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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