If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
