Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
