What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
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Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
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Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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