I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
