i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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