i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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