Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
