Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
