I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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