i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
