you would pick up someone in the library
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
