I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
