you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
