Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
