how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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