I understand Curling. That high.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
