You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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