My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
