I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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