I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My penis needs a shock collar
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
