I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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