so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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