I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
