he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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