i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
