Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
