dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
