what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
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will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
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How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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