Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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