I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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