considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
