This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
