Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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