The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
