Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
