I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
