Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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