Cold hands, warm shart.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
